Theatrical Logic

In is down, down is front. Out is up, up is back. Off is out, on is in. And of course, left is right and right is left. A drop shouldn’t and a ‘block and fall’ does neither. A prop doesn’t and a cove has no water. Tripping is OK. A running crew rarely gets anywhere . A purchase line buys you nothing. A trap will not catch anything. A gridiron has nothing to do with football. Strike is work (in fact, a lot of work). And a green room, thank God, usually isn’t.

Now that you’re fully versed in theatrical terms, break a leg.  But not really.

Home Improvement

You know your tools, right? You only think you do.

Table Saw – a large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

Lost in Translation

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away.

“What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.

Amazon Reviews

Book – Where is Baby’s Belly Button — Do NOT buy this book, you can see the ending right in the cover! – This book is completely misleading. The entire plot revolves around finding a baby’s belly button. The titles makes this clear from the beginning. However, there is no mystery. There is no twist. Baby’s belly button is right where it  is supplosed to be, on baby’s stomach. Right where it clearly show you it is on the COVER OF THE BOOK.

Fast Beatles Fact

• Strawberry Field was a Salvation Army children’s home in Liverpool that has since been razed.

Melissopalynology (Me-Liss-o-pal-en-ol-ogy)

It’s not the study of a girl named Melissa. For those of you who have believed all these years that Winnie the Pooh was just a bear with a seriously disturbing honey addiction, it turns out, he’s just a bear with a seriously disturbing AND career-oriented honey addiction. Nothing wrong with that at all.

We’re all that and a bag of fries

Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.

A Sweaty Show

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you’d like to lose a half pound right now, press “1” 18,000 times.

A Really Sweet Show

Q: If Jake has 30 chocolate bars, and eats 25, what does he have?

A: Diabetes….. Jake has diabetes…

Our 100th Episode!!!!  Y’all deserve an award for listening!

Boy: “Hey baby, what’s your sign?”
Girl: “Do Not Enter!”

If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there… you may be drinking too much coffee.

We found out that Haikus are hard, so we tried the Haiku Generator, and this is what we got:

Bagpipes – A Haiku by J. Nicholas Dankington

Freezing wintertime
A blown, wondrous bagpipes drowns
under the giraffe

New and improved? If something is new, it couldn’t have been improved. If something is improved, it can’t be new. ???

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

–P.J. O’Rourke